Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Did She Wet the Fantasy Suite Bed Too?

So there are three guys left. We've narrowed it down to three from 25, and apparently Andi has JUST started a journal. Great. 

Instead of a Trapise, we got a “Journey So Far,” of sorts, with footage of… every moment of every guy this whole season… There’s Chris, who’s a farmer from a small town, and even though he’s a farmer from a small town, his hometown date was a lot more fun than Andi expected. Then there’s Neanderthal Josh (seriously he has more testosterone than ANYONE has ever had, anywhere) and Andi’s voiceover about him more or less said this: “Josh has all these great qualities and I think he’ll be a great Dad, but… He was REAL pissed about taking a lie detector test in Brussels…” They’re trying to make his reaction to the lie detector test look like it’s a roadblock for their relationship. When, in reality, (yuk yuk yuk) he’s so thick-headed that he couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that this was really just a production move, because they thought it would be interesting TV. He’s convinced that Andi was behind the whole thing because she genuinely didn’t trust the guys. (PS: apparently the answers that Andi dramatically ripped up (UNLIKE Coach, if you’ll recall) are going to be revealed on the Men Tell All this week. #STOKED.)

And then there’s Nick. 

Y’all. I am SUCH a huge fan of Nick. I don’t think I’ve been this big of a fan of a contestant since Cape Cod Chris. And I don’t think I’ve been as big of a fan of a couple since Ali and Frank. (Ok, maybe since Blakelee and Tony. Ah, rest in peace, #TonyAndBlakeleeEngagement)

During the FantasySuiteDateJourneySoFar, we got a pretty memorable quote from Dwarfman: “I came here to be different.” 
Suuuuuuuuure ya did, Dwarfman/ 

Oh wait, there’s our good ole Traipse. As we take in the footage of the property where the circus is staying this week, I'd like to take a moment to mention this week's dedication: The Currin Family. Eve Currin does not really watch the show, but she emailed me on Tuesday morning, saying that something about the Dominican Republic location caught her eye... 

It was that their family used to stay at the VERY HOUSE where we saw Dwarfman's Traipse. 

Many Currin Family vacations were had there. 

Currin Family Christmas cards were shot there. 

Eve's husband Don was my Dad's college roommate, so the best part of all of this is that I can now rope Big Daddy into watching the finale, when I tell him that the Currins made the Dominican Republic trendy. 

Perr uze: To whom it may concern: I mean no harm. I have no doubt that all these men are delightful, but if you voluntarily subject yourself to the editors of national television, you’re subjecting yourself to Grace’s commentary. And pretty much anything that's funny on here can be credited to a one Lincee Ray, my Bachelor Blogging Idol. (Yes I did just say those three words and no, I will not be taking them back...)



I'd like to take a moment to remark about Andi's description of Nick as "passionate." I could be wrong, but doesn't "passionate" call to mind someone who is impulsive? Cause I don't know that I'd classify Nick as "passionate" so much as just "intense." (Hey, there's nothing wrong with either one, I'm JUST saying...) And now let us talk about some memorable quotes from Czar Nicholas:

*“It’s one thing to say ‘I love you,’ it’s another thing to know why you feel that way.”
*“It just MEANS SOMETHING to... put yourself at that mercy and say those words to her.”
*“My gut says there’s no way... not us.” 


And finally, I'm glad that Dwarfman and the Czar paused long enough to kiss whilst they were snorkeling, but I certainly hope they took out their mouth pieces…


Admission: I'm REALLY ok with the Dad moves that were happening in this episode. Josh's dancing in the square? DAD MOVE. Nick reading an autobigraphical fairy tale with Magical Love Roses? DAD MOVE. Chris's... well, nevermind. At dinner, when Andi asked Josh what kind of Dad he would be, his response was "a great one." A vague yuk yuk joke? 


Bachelorette Gopher Jacob’s Spanish is pretty sub-par, but he DID manage to convince a little t-ball player to “go ask those white people if they’d play ball.” Admittedly, I'm pretty ok with the fact that Josh was kinda cute with the kiddos. T-ball, yuk yuk yuk... 

Josh thinks that he and Andi can handle anything together. They’ve already been through the worst. Literally he said “we’ve been through the wringer,” so basically: they handled the lie detector snafu in Belgium, they can handle anything. He reminded Andi: “Don’t categorize me into a type” I WON'T EVEN GET INTO THE STRUGGLES OF THOSE VERBS AND THEIR DIRECT OBJECTS, DAD LIFE.

Honestly. I have very little to say about Farmer Chris. Except that my friend Rita is MORE than ready to sign up for the season if he's the next Bachelor. Direct quote: "I'll move to Iowa. I like corn." 

I really, really respect the way that Andi handled the whole thing. Not only did she let him make a dignified exit (who'd have thought we'd ever watch someone pack their bags, pre-fantasy suite??) but for the first time in a long time, I began to buy into the "it's hard to be the Bachelor/Bachelorette" thing. Let's face it: when the Ashley Herberts and Dez Hartsocks of the world say that, it's laughable. I think this goes back to Andi's ability to be transparent and articulate: she says what she means and she means what she says, and we see that. 

Finally, His blog gets about a fourth of the viewership that mine does (OBVIOUSLY?) but if anyone happens to read Chris Harrison's weekly post, he kind of made a case for Nick this week. WHAT THIS MEANS, I DO NOT KNOW. Is he making a case for him because he's about to be vilified on the Men Tell All, next week? Is he making a case for him because Andi chooses him and he wants America to like him more? OR is he making a case for him because Andi DOESN'T choose him and he wants America to have sympathy?!?! I JUST. DON'T. KNOW. 

What I do know is where our recording cut off on Monday night, and how the Czar feels about Andi's adolescent bed-wetting... 

If you're a bird, I'm a bird.
- Dwarfman Dez

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