Honestly the biggest update is that I got a stupid MacBook. I went into Best Buy for a new computer (because I literally had to use an earring to turn on my sweet, sweet Think Pad) and the deal that they had in the MacBook was TOO GOOD to pass up. It wasn't the software or the aesthetic that got me, it was the DEAL. Because by now we all know that nothing tastes as good as saving money feels AMIRITE?
Two quick book updates: most importantly: James Comey's book came out and it was WONDERFUL. 11/10 would recommend. The book isn't about the president, it's about Comey's life and what he considers to make an excellent leader - they peddled the bits about POTUS to help sell the book, it's only a small part. I was just writing down quotes that I loved from the book and here is one of my favorites:
"A sense of humor in particular, strikes me as an important indicator - or "tell" - about someone's ego. Having a balance of confidence and humility is essential to effective leadership. Laughing in a genuine way requires a certain level of confidence, because we all look a little silly laughing; that makes us vulnerable, a state insecure people fear. And laughing is also frequently an appreciation of others who have said something that is funny. That is, you didn't say it and by laughing you acknowledge the other, something else insecure people can't do."
COME ON, HOW IMPORTANT IS THAT?!
Also MARVELOUS shout-out to Amy Kaufman's Bachelor Nation, because it, too, was DELIGHTFUL. Let me give you the logline that I tell people - including the stranger at LAX that I convinced to buy a copy of the book: not only does she have things like Sharleen Joynt's journal excerpts from Juan Pablo's season, but her best friend's mom is the chair of Harvard's Folklore and Mythology department, so she does a deep dive on why we, as this allegedly progressive society, still cling to the old fashioned notions of gender norms and stereotypes. GET IT AND READ IT, PEOPLE.
Ok ok ok, moving onto the episode. Wait, one more thing about Arie - did y'all see this GQ article?
It's fascinating and there's a definite twist at the end. Very worth the read.
(Scroll to the end to see my comments on the Garrett Instagram drama)
Ok NOW onto the episode:
First things first: I’m def into the Corgi that Becca's sister is holding. Is that Corgi ever gonna find love? That's the show I wanna watch.
Becca's mom telling her “You’ve got so much going for you” is EVERY MOTHER who has ever lived. My mom legit says this to me when I've binged on popcorn and chocolate and three seasons of Peaky Blinders, and she truly believes it. Thanks for your service, Moms.
Ok this room that Becca is staying in looks 0% spacious or luxurious. There is a 2 ft radius around the bed. Guess she won't have to worry about her charger reaching the pillow. Also why is she doing aerial yoga? Is this foreshadowing?
Becca says she “idolizes” what the former bachelorettes have.
That... is troubling. (Unless she means their Instagram sponsorships, because... who wouldn't?)
Why is JoJo wearing a school jumper to this Bachelorette Reunion? Like, legit what I wore in 4th grade? I also really want to see a NOT middle part on JoJo. This conversation is so dull and boring. Why isn't Kaitlyn talking more? Ohhhh we got a "Let's do the damn thing" from her. I think we're done here.
Why is JoJo wearing a school jumper to this Bachelorette Reunion? Like, legit what I wore in 4th grade? I also really want to see a NOT middle part on JoJo. This conversation is so dull and boring. Why isn't Kaitlyn talking more? Ohhhh we got a "Let's do the damn thing" from her. I think we're done here.
Obviously that phrase will be way overused this season, but I just have to take a quick moment to remind us all that it was what Becca first said to Arie WHEN SHE MET HIM AND MADE HIM FAKE PROPOSE to her, and she also said it several other times on their dates... and he DIDN'T say it when he proposed. Which tells us legit all we need to know or remember about him.
I am into this dress on her. All the pearls. Wait but why is there a safety pin? Did the Production Assistant really think we wouldn't see that?
INTRO VIDEOS:
Clay… Clay is a sprinter. Legit all he does in this intro video is sprint. Clay’s speaking voice makes it seem like he hasn’t taken a breath in 19 years, but that's probably because he has been sprinting that whole time.
Garrett.... Garrett is pretty cute, but too cheesy. I don't hate a Matt Foley impression, but I don't think it's the thing to be leading with...
Jordan. Jordan is a professional model. “Intensive Gentleman” I CANNOT. I can’t believe they let him keep the title of “Male Model” and what even IS a “tub of chocolates?” He says he sits on the couch and eats a tub of chocolates... A tub of ice cream, you mean? A box of chocolates? I hope this guy sticks around cause he's like Robby and every dude from Armani fragrance ads had a baby...
Lincoln... Oh Lincoln can jump rope with one foot... I think I'm a little impressed by that.
Joe… Joe doesn’t know how to wink. But he's pretty cute.
Jean Blanc… I don’t even know where to start with this. I'm not mad about being obsessed with fragrances, I totally get that, but like... why is he showing us his watch collection?
Colton is wearing a velvet vest right now. Ok well he is kind of dreamy. Oh ok the vest is for charity. (I think) I sure hope this charity is real.
Clay… Clay is a sprinter. Legit all he does in this intro video is sprint. Clay’s speaking voice makes it seem like he hasn’t taken a breath in 19 years, but that's probably because he has been sprinting that whole time.
Garrett.... Garrett is pretty cute, but too cheesy. I don't hate a Matt Foley impression, but I don't think it's the thing to be leading with...
Jordan. Jordan is a professional model. “Intensive Gentleman” I CANNOT. I can’t believe they let him keep the title of “Male Model” and what even IS a “tub of chocolates?” He says he sits on the couch and eats a tub of chocolates... A tub of ice cream, you mean? A box of chocolates? I hope this guy sticks around cause he's like Robby and every dude from Armani fragrance ads had a baby...
Lincoln... Oh Lincoln can jump rope with one foot... I think I'm a little impressed by that.
Joe… Joe doesn’t know how to wink. But he's pretty cute.
Jean Blanc… I don’t even know where to start with this. I'm not mad about being obsessed with fragrances, I totally get that, but like... why is he showing us his watch collection?
Colton is wearing a velvet vest right now. Ok well he is kind of dreamy. Oh ok the vest is for charity. (I think) I sure hope this charity is real.
LIMO ENTRANCES:
Colton came out of the gate with confetti poppers, which I can get behind. Pretty cute.
Clay said some football puns then legit yelled “I WILL CATCH YOU INSIDE” into her face. I really wanna like this guy but he seemed pretty nervous.
Jean Blanc getting her to say “let’s do the damn thing” in French was the only acceptable use of that phrase.
"Connor. Fitness coach." was all I wrote down for him.
Joe. Joe has already had too much to drink. I was really hoping for some produce jokes from him.
John told Becca about his grandparents then hugged her. Bye, John!
Leo is a stuntman. I can’t imagine being a stunt man with that much hair.
Jordan’s limo exit was a dumpster fire. He “was not expecting this color” on Becca and is “already having a great time." I made us re-watch his limo exit about 14 times, because the way that he rehearsed exiting the limo but didn't account for how awkward that silence would be in real life was something ELSE.
Alex. Whoaaaa Alex. Alex is DREAMY.
Nick does not have socks on. Stunt man is already talking smack about him.
Mike has a cardboard cut out of Arie. His line about it isn’t TERRIBLE, but I could still live without Arie's face.
Joe. Joe has already had too much to drink. I was really hoping for some produce jokes from him.
John told Becca about his grandparents then hugged her. Bye, John!
Leo is a stuntman. I can’t imagine being a stunt man with that much hair.
Jordan’s limo exit was a dumpster fire. He “was not expecting this color” on Becca and is “already having a great time." I made us re-watch his limo exit about 14 times, because the way that he rehearsed exiting the limo but didn't account for how awkward that silence would be in real life was something ELSE.
Alex. Whoaaaa Alex. Alex is DREAMY.
Nick does not have socks on. Stunt man is already talking smack about him.
Mike has a cardboard cut out of Arie. His line about it isn’t TERRIBLE, but I could still live without Arie's face.
Grant came out of the gate in a minivan... does he want to drive the minivan, or does he expect Becca to drive it? When they have kids - what is it Gaston says in Beauty and the Beast? "While the little ones play by the fire..."
 |
| STRAPPING YOUNG BOYS. YOU WILL BEAR MY CHILDREN. |
I can't decide if I'm going to love Garrett or hate him. Either he is gonna stick around for a long time, or his cheesiness will get the boot REAL quick.
Now someone is whining about how many guys there are - how do these dudes NOT know that there are gonna be a bunch of dudes?
What is Blake even riding in on? Is this a bull? An ox? Oh it IS an ox, thank you, pun. Male model recognizes Blake. Oh he also recognizes Lincoln. Because he watched the AFTR footage like Matt Saracen watched old Dillon Panthers footage.
My comments get shorter as my attention span decreases:
Darius is cute.
Oh I think Ryan is SO cute. Is he a jerk? Time will tell.
Wills looks cute.
Jason wanted to have a secret handshake. It looks like every other secret handshake ever.
Kamil wants to meet halfway. And then 60/40. Get that guy outta here.
Then we meet Jake… who knew Becca in Minneapolis. Oh this is gonna be interesting.
Trent rolled up in a hearse. I mean, he's fully committed to literal death, I'll give you that.
Christian had to “see” Becca, spun her around and... seems hammered.
I’d like to point out that David’s words were transcribed on the closed captions as “Beh-Kaw.” And the blonde attorney sure appreciates the pun.
Chris brought a gospel choir. Yawn.
Connor steals her away first as stuntman brushes out his hair and says something about real estate.
Darius is cute.
Oh I think Ryan is SO cute. Is he a jerk? Time will tell.
Wills looks cute.
Jason wanted to have a secret handshake. It looks like every other secret handshake ever.
Kamil wants to meet halfway. And then 60/40. Get that guy outta here.
Then we meet Jake… who knew Becca in Minneapolis. Oh this is gonna be interesting.
Trent rolled up in a hearse. I mean, he's fully committed to literal death, I'll give you that.
Christian had to “see” Becca, spun her around and... seems hammered.
I’d like to point out that David’s words were transcribed on the closed captions as “Beh-Kaw.” And the blonde attorney sure appreciates the pun.
Chris brought a gospel choir. Yawn.
Connor steals her away first as stuntman brushes out his hair and says something about real estate.
Whatever to the fact that Clay brought along some... clay, but I like that he molded her wearing the dress. I feel like that shows some attempt at... art.
I’m impressed that Christon could get her to spin the ball on her finger. WOW HE JUST DUNKED ON HER. I am officially impressed
I like salsa dancing guy. A lot.
Didn’t need to hear the poem that Jean Blanc wrote, but it’s cute that it’s on a candle.
BLAKE: My last relationship ended abruptly.
CAROLYN: Is she dead?
OMG WHY DOES THE ATTORNEY HAVE THAT MASSAGER?!?! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
Chicken guy is pretty cute… Aaaaaaand he’s a venture capitalist. Wait he’s 25? He’s a 25 year old venture capitalist? I honestly had to google "venture capitalist" because in my mind it's the same thing as "hedge fund manager" which basically means Chicken guy is Anthony Scaramucci.
Guys I love Jordan so much. He is such a righteously hot mess.
Wait I’m really starting to like Garrett.
Ohhhh WOW right now to Chase and calling out and blaming “Women, man…” This is NOT going to go well on Twitter. Also “I’m not that guy” ONLY comes from people who ARE THAT GUY. I love that this is turning into an actual thing.
Blake reminds me of Miles Teller and I’m HERE FOR IT.
Becca pulled Jake aside and told him that they'd met approximately 19 times back in Minneapolis. He said he recalled meeting her one time. And then said he'd had a transformative year. Which is honestly what I say after one trip to the gym. It is VERY easy to get the picture of Jake's past year, and I wish we got more of it in his intro video. Maybe he'll be on BIP...
Guys, Garrett is so cute. His smile is so big and I can’t even handle it. He got the first impression rose. And I liked him up until the Huffington Post article. See below.
Roses went to: Lincoln, Blake, Rickey, Jean Blanc, Christon, Clay, Wills, Connor, Jason, John, Ryan, Alex, Nick, Trent, Colton, David, Jordan, Khal Drogo, Mike, Chris R.
Guys, Garrett is so cute. His smile is so big and I can’t even handle it. He got the first impression rose. And I liked him up until the Huffington Post article. See below.
Roses went to: Lincoln, Blake, Rickey, Jean Blanc, Christon, Clay, Wills, Connor, Jason, John, Ryan, Alex, Nick, Trent, Colton, David, Jordan, Khal Drogo, Mike, Chris R.
Then of course after the episode, I read all about the Garrett Drama. For those who have just joined us, here's the gist: he hit the "like" button on some terrible stuff on Instagram. Detailed here: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bachelorette-premiere-garrett-yrigoyen_us_5b0837d9e4b0fdb2aa5342b6
We're looking at the prospect of him hitting the like button on some of the following:
Couple of things:
1) I am a little taken a back by the notion that your social media can lead to condemnation. I don't disagree with it, but it's definitely new territory for all of us. And also a quick admission that if someone combed through my social media likes, they'd probably say something like "How can she even have a job, she spends all her time liking stationery and pen bloggers!!" (...which is not untrue) But we knew this was coming. I keep work and politics off of my Facebook and Instagram for the most part because I don't think that those are a good platform for those thoughts. (Therefore I mostly just post about cookies) My Twitter handle is usually aflame with political statements and articles, but definitely nothing that I wouldn't defend in front of a court of law, or even in front of my super Republican grandparents. (Who told me five days ago that they love me even though I voted blue) But my point is: WE KNEW THIS WAS COMING! We know that these things aren't sacred! The like button has more power than I think we've all been willing to give it, but this isn't surprising.
2) IF these screenshots are real, (he has yet to release a statement confirming or denying) did this stuff come up? Like it came up with Lee on Rachel's season? (Where we saw Lee showing some of his more racist colors) And if not... HOW DID THIS NOT COME UP?! Honestly the border wall is in like, the top 5 things I first talk to people about when I meet them. Not kidding. That, or Michael Cohen. Maybe there's a reason why I'm still single. LOL JK I WILL NEVER CHANGE. #SorryDad
3) I will be VERY curious about how ABC responds to this, especially in the wake of the cancellation of Roseanne. Like, how woke do you wanna be, ABC? (granted, I don't think that what Roseanne and Garrett have done are the same thing, nor do they have the same kinds of jobs/representations/expectations, but it will still be interesting to watch) ALSO interesting because I'm pretty sure it's a part of Garrett's contract that he can't really speak about the show until he's been eliminated. What if he lasts a long time? Will ABC craft a statement before then?
UNTIL THEN,
If you're a bird, I'm a bird...
