Things:
- Honestly all I cared about at the Oscars was Kween of my Life, Allison Janney. NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR *MY* POTUS. Big Daddy kept calling me throughout the show, mostly to ask me things like, "What does that movie with the baking soda guy have to do with Mike Pence?" But he called for Best Supporting Actress announcement because "I wanted to be on the phone with you when Your Meryl won!"
Also special shout out to other queen – Jennifer Garner and that gorgeous dress. She never doesn’t deliver.
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| Don't even need to crop this screenshot cause she's a straight up GODDESS. |
- Frances McDormand just DOES not have any flips to give. She didn’t wear any makeup, she set Oscar on the ground, she ate a bucket of fried chicken at the after party – WE SALUTE YOU, FRANCES.
- E’erybody be sure and stock up on aluminum foil. I love that Paul Ryan is like, “You can come for the women, you can come for the immigrants… BUT HANDS OFF MY CHEAP ALUMINIUM, FAM.”
Finally… let me take you back to my freshman year of college… (Have I told this story before? Stop me if I have. Lol jk you can’t.) Lissa Rubin, idol goddess herself (who was a senior when I was a freshman) somehow majestically decreed that she was going to come to my dorm room and watch the finale of Jason Mesnick’s season with me (seriously what did I do to deserve such an honor?) We watched, as I clutched my Jonas Brothers pillow (no really – it was a thing - shoutout to Maria Kim in the background)
Jason proposed, then he, Melissa, and his son Ty jumped in that pool together (fully clothed – seems like an expensive dry cleaning prospect if you ask me) THEN WATCHED AS JASON BROKE UP WITH MELISSA. Which I know I’ve talked about on this blog before because I MADE this image:
I will never forget that night. One, because Queen Lissa thought I was cool enough to watch with, but TWO, because I remember looking at the screen thinking: “Oh wow. Oh he is actually going to do this. He is going to do this and get away with it. Chris Harrison is going to let him do this and no one is going to arrest him.”
Is this blonde chick Arie’s sister or sister-in-law? Cause her hair extensions are ROUGH.
SISTER (in law?): Can you talk to her all night long?
ARIE: Um.
KELLY: Those were sex eyes! He doesn’t talk to her all night, he sexes her all night!
Sister in Law says that Lauren IS a cool girl. Whom do we even believe now?
Kelly and I then get into a conversation of who is worse: Lauren B or Lauren B. (From Arie or Ben’s season) I say from Arie’s. Kelly says from Ben’s. And proceeds to speak with SUCH vitriol that I almost have to agree with her. I mean VITRIOL
We talk about how Ben's Lauren was clearly just in it for the fame. Which could definitely make her worse. I'm slowly beginning to see Kelly's side of things.
Now Becca goes to meet Arie's fam.
KELLY: Gosh Arie’s mom is just so SCARY in the FACE! I keep thinking I’m going to get used to it and I don’t.
Interesting that Arie’s dad asks Becca if she gets along with Lauren. This is also interesting because we never get to hear the girls dish on other girls this late in the game. Becca very gently threw Lauren under the bus by mentioning that she doesn't really open up. Ok also v weird that the whole family keeps bringing up Lauren. But then again we are only seeing 7 minutes of a five hour date... Other sidenote: I’m totally here for the baby goat with the flower crown.
ARIE: What did you guys think?
AUSTIN: (walking in the room, having never seen an episode in his life) Who are these people?
GRACE: Strangers from Cusco.
AUSTIN: Is he biting his lip right now?
KELLY: YES HE BITES HIS LIP ALL THE TIME LIKE HE’S SOME NEWBIE AT THE DRAMA OF HIGH SCHOOL. LIKE, ‘KISS ME JONATHAN, IT’S PROM NIGHT”
ARIE: I could tell you that she has a speckle in her left eye.
Final Date: Becca
Becca says that she can’t imagine never seeing Arie again or never talking to him again (Update: OH IF ONLY SHE KNEW. If only she knew a) the realness of this possibility and b) let's talk about how never talking to him again IS a possibility for her. You know for whom it ISN'T a possibility? Arie. Cause you know whose DMs he keeps sliding into? Legit everyone's.
Watching Arie and Becca, the Living Room Peanut Gallery had an epiphany that most Bachelors are pretty good about keeping their feelings compartmentalized and kind of veiled. ARIE IS SUCH A SIMPLETON THAT HE CAN’T EVEN DO THAT. He is so transparent that when Becca says “How are you feeling about things?” instead of saying “Just focus on us!” he says “Well yeah I’m def thinking about proposing to another girl."
AUSTIN: Twist! Flash flood! They all die.
Aaaaaand now we get to the break up.
BECCA: You shouldn’t have gotten down on one knee.
GRACE: OR WHEN YOU DID YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID ‘REBECCA JILL ARE YOU READY TO DO THE DAMN THING”
She told him to leave. He did. Then he came back. She told him she was embarrassed. And that he should leave.
CAROLYN: Why is he still here?
GRACE: Literally for the affirmation. He wants her to tell him that she doesn't hate him or throw herself in his arms and beg him to take her back.
I will never forget that night. One, because Queen Lissa thought I was cool enough to watch with, but TWO, because I remember looking at the screen thinking: “Oh wow. Oh he is actually going to do this. He is going to do this and get away with it. Chris Harrison is going to let him do this and no one is going to arrest him.”
Well. Looks like Arie did the same thing last night. And you know what? We deserve him. I'm serious - stay with me, here. We elected a man to be president who thinks he is above the rules, and so now we have a Bachelor who thinks he is above the rules. Did you guys see this article?
Becca was very calmly like, "Yeah he kept liking her photos but we were a team so I thought we could work through it together..." Bekah M also posted pictures of messages he has sent her recently. He has been treating women like this for YEARS and is just going to keep doing it. To quote Shang to the novice soldiers in Mulan: "You're a spineless pale pathetic lot AND YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE."
Am I directing some of my rage at the radical unraveling of our democracy towards Arie? Sure. But the two are related. We have held up men who think they are above the rule of law (for one of those men it's the ACTUAL Constitution, and for the other it's just, you know, the rules of SOCIETY) so honestly this ending makes sense!
That was not my tirade to announce that I will no longer be watching the show. This blog will never feature that announcement. But it was a tirade to say about this season: DUH.
Now for the commentary:
Living Room Peanut Gallery was comprised of: myself, Kelly, Carolyn, Austin, Madison and Matt
First thought: MESNICK THEY’RE BRINGING OUT MESNICK WHY
Hare is trying to defend Arie to us at the beginning of this (very much NOT LIVE on the west coast) show and NO ONE is buying it. Not should they. He even invoked Juan Pablo as he tells us that we are going to see the raw footage of the final scene...
First thought: MESNICK THEY’RE BRINGING OUT MESNICK WHY
Hare is trying to defend Arie to us at the beginning of this (very much NOT LIVE on the west coast) show and NO ONE is buying it. Not should they. He even invoked Juan Pablo as he tells us that we are going to see the raw footage of the final scene...
Meet the Fam in Peru:
All I care about is the fact that we get to hear the word “Cusco” over and over again tonight.
Lauren walks out on her balcony to journal... in a leather jacket with some champagne.
All I care about is the fact that we get to hear the word “Cusco” over and over again tonight.
Lauren walks out on her balcony to journal... in a leather jacket with some champagne.
You know what I have to be, to journal? TOTALLY SOBER.
Lauren goes to meet his family and tells Arie: “I hope that I don’t freak out and act weird.” Arie lamely responds: "Just be yourself." Which means: don't freak out and act weird. Also, what constitutes "freaking out and acting weird" for Lauren? Telling bad Knock Knock Jokes?
I love that the brother leads with the producer-fed question of “what date stands out?” Lauren proceeds to have NO answer for him, and instead basically says: “This has been different for me because I’m like, not cool…” Actually, when I say she "basically" said that, I mean "she intoned it in a basic manner." That is her actual quote.
Kelly walked in the door with a bouquet of roses and I told her “Lauren is meeting his family and is trash. The only highlight so far is that they’re in Cusco, Peru…”
KELLY: (singing) CUUUUUSCOOOOO!!!
GRACE: Exactly.
Arie whines that he has to spend a lot of time reassuring Lauren.
Lauren goes to meet his family and tells Arie: “I hope that I don’t freak out and act weird.” Arie lamely responds: "Just be yourself." Which means: don't freak out and act weird. Also, what constitutes "freaking out and acting weird" for Lauren? Telling bad Knock Knock Jokes?
I love that the brother leads with the producer-fed question of “what date stands out?” Lauren proceeds to have NO answer for him, and instead basically says: “This has been different for me because I’m like, not cool…” Actually, when I say she "basically" said that, I mean "she intoned it in a basic manner." That is her actual quote.
Kelly walked in the door with a bouquet of roses and I told her “Lauren is meeting his family and is trash. The only highlight so far is that they’re in Cusco, Peru…”
KELLY: (singing) CUUUUUSCOOOOO!!!
GRACE: Exactly.
Arie whines that he has to spend a lot of time reassuring Lauren.
HEY ARIE:
Is this blonde chick Arie’s sister or sister-in-law? Cause her hair extensions are ROUGH.
SISTER (in law?): Can you talk to her all night long?
ARIE: Um.
KELLY: Those were sex eyes! He doesn’t talk to her all night, he sexes her all night!
Sister in Law says that Lauren IS a cool girl. Whom do we even believe now?
Kelly and I then get into a conversation of who is worse: Lauren B or Lauren B. (From Arie or Ben’s season) I say from Arie’s. Kelly says from Ben’s. And proceeds to speak with SUCH vitriol that I almost have to agree with her. I mean VITRIOL
We talk about how Ben's Lauren was clearly just in it for the fame. Which could definitely make her worse. I'm slowly beginning to see Kelly's side of things.
Now Becca goes to meet Arie's fam.
KELLY: Gosh Arie’s mom is just so SCARY in the FACE! I keep thinking I’m going to get used to it and I don’t.
Interesting that Arie’s dad asks Becca if she gets along with Lauren. This is also interesting because we never get to hear the girls dish on other girls this late in the game. Becca very gently threw Lauren under the bus by mentioning that she doesn't really open up. Ok also v weird that the whole family keeps bringing up Lauren. But then again we are only seeing 7 minutes of a five hour date... Other sidenote: I’m totally here for the baby goat with the flower crown.
ARIE: What did you guys think?
AUSTIN: (walking in the room, having never seen an episode in his life) Who are these people?
GRACE: Strangers from Cusco.
KELLY: CUUUSCOOOO!!
Ok the fam definitely likes Becca more. I wonder how that will influence his decision.
ARIE: This is probably the biggest decision of my life. Maybe.
GRACE: He’s saying that like there were a lot of other things in the running for that...
Meanwhile back at the live show: Caroline shows up and tells Chris Harrison that she still is pissed off about what Arie did. Shoutout to my friend Megan being on a flight with Caroline yesterday. I told Megan to harass her for answers, but she fortunately did not.
Final Date: Lauren
Ok the fam definitely likes Becca more. I wonder how that will influence his decision.
ARIE: This is probably the biggest decision of my life. Maybe.
GRACE: He’s saying that like there were a lot of other things in the running for that...
Meanwhile back at the live show: Caroline shows up and tells Chris Harrison that she still is pissed off about what Arie did. Shoutout to my friend Megan being on a flight with Caroline yesterday. I told Megan to harass her for answers, but she fortunately did not.
Final Date: Lauren
WAIT WHEN DID ARIE AND LAUREN MEET IN DALLAS?!?!
Update: Apparently she came to one of his "races," and met him. She showed him a picture of it on the first night but it was cut from the episode.
I still hate her, but she definitely seems more comfortable than she has this entire season. Which means it's taken her the ENTIRE season to be as comfortable with him as Becca was on their first date. They go to Machu Picchu and I'm honestly surprised that Arie didn’t tell Lauren that this was a “vintage town.'
AUSTIN: Is he biting his lip right now?
KELLY: YES HE BITES HIS LIP ALL THE TIME LIKE HE’S SOME NEWBIE AT THE DRAMA OF HIGH SCHOOL. LIKE, ‘KISS ME JONATHAN, IT’S PROM NIGHT”
ARIE: I could tell you that she has a speckle in her left eye.
GRACE: Literally no one could possibly care less.
As they sit on the couch that night and blandly explain their feelings to each other… I realize that I do, in fact, hate her more than Ben’s Lauren B. The fact that she apparently has ACTUAL feelings for him (more than Lauren B had for Ben) make me somehow hate her more. She tells him “We see the world in the same way” SERIOUSLY WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! What WAY could she possibly see the world? As like, sunny? She could see that the sun is shining and Arie can too? When you say you "see the world the same way" as someone, it usually means you have similar views about things like immigration and white collar crime... I somehow don't think Lauren has heard of either of those things.
ARIE: When you close your eyes at night, what do you see our life like?
MATT: Oh good one, Arie- closing your eyes at night, imagine that!
KELLY: Matt’s got the jokes!
MATT: Gimme about twenty minutes. I’m just getting warmed up.
As they sit on the couch that night and blandly explain their feelings to each other… I realize that I do, in fact, hate her more than Ben’s Lauren B. The fact that she apparently has ACTUAL feelings for him (more than Lauren B had for Ben) make me somehow hate her more. She tells him “We see the world in the same way” SERIOUSLY WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! What WAY could she possibly see the world? As like, sunny? She could see that the sun is shining and Arie can too? When you say you "see the world the same way" as someone, it usually means you have similar views about things like immigration and white collar crime... I somehow don't think Lauren has heard of either of those things.
ARIE: When you close your eyes at night, what do you see our life like?
MATT: Oh good one, Arie- closing your eyes at night, imagine that!
KELLY: Matt’s got the jokes!
MATT: Gimme about twenty minutes. I’m just getting warmed up.
Lauren and Arie say 'I love you' to each other about 923847 times and Lauren tells the camera, “I don’t think Arie would have let me say all those things if he knew he was picking Becca…” Hi, Lauren, quick spoiler alert, over here: HE TOTALLY WOULD.
Back to the live show: ohhhhh Sienne has lost her voice and is throwing SHADE about it.
Bekah M keeps serving up her truth by saying that if Arie is this conflicted then he shouldn’t propose… WELL WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT WENT DOWN WHEN BRAD WOMACK DID IT.
Back to the live show: ohhhhh Sienne has lost her voice and is throwing SHADE about it.
Bekah M keeps serving up her truth by saying that if Arie is this conflicted then he shouldn’t propose… WELL WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT WENT DOWN WHEN BRAD WOMACK DID IT.
Final Date: Becca
My biggest question about these final dates is where is the production assistant? Why are these women lighting the candles themselves? Also why didn't Lauren give him a gift of like, all her dried rose petals? Is Becca going to give him one?
Becca says that she can’t imagine never seeing Arie again or never talking to him again (Update: OH IF ONLY SHE KNEW. If only she knew a) the realness of this possibility and b) let's talk about how never talking to him again IS a possibility for her. You know for whom it ISN'T a possibility? Arie. Cause you know whose DMs he keeps sliding into? Legit everyone's.
Watching Arie and Becca, the Living Room Peanut Gallery had an epiphany that most Bachelors are pretty good about keeping their feelings compartmentalized and kind of veiled. ARIE IS SUCH A SIMPLETON THAT HE CAN’T EVEN DO THAT. He is so transparent that when Becca says “How are you feeling about things?” instead of saying “Just focus on us!” he says “Well yeah I’m def thinking about proposing to another girl."
Becca presents Arie with a gift (because of course) and it definitely looks like they sent the PA to the Peruvian Michael's for these stickers.. AND OMG THE STORK WHYYYY!! MAYDAY MAYDAY!! It was all ok until that moment.
Although let us observe that this sticker book has "let's do the damn thing" in it, which is now the THIRD time she has brought us that phrase... Which means that if Arie proposes to her tomorrow and DOESN'T use that phrase, then this was all in vain. (Update: it was all in vain)
FINAL ROSE (CEREMONY)
Ok well Becca is clearly more of a rational journal-er, journaling here with tea, right now.
Also worth noting that neither woman asked Arie if he’d said “I love you” to the other woman, like JoJo did when she had her bathroom meltdown with Ben, on their final date.
What I really love about this proposal set up is the smattering of llamas and that muddy river in the background.
Ok well Becca is clearly more of a rational journal-er, journaling here with tea, right now.
Also worth noting that neither woman asked Arie if he’d said “I love you” to the other woman, like JoJo did when she had her bathroom meltdown with Ben, on their final date.
What I really love about this proposal set up is the smattering of llamas and that muddy river in the background.
AUSTIN: Twist! Flash flood! They all die.
GRACE: Different show.
OHHHHH Lauren is the first one out of the limo. Girl BYE!
She gets through her whole spiel about how she's in love with him, he rejects her and has... nothing to say. Legit nothing. Is basically like, "It's not you" and then walks her to the car in SILENCE.
Lauren is wondering how he could possibly not know whom he was going to chose on the morning of but then propose to Becca three hours later, which is, quite possbily, the most logical thing she’s ever said.
Lauren is wondering how he could possibly not know whom he was going to chose on the morning of but then propose to Becca three hours later, which is, quite possbily, the most logical thing she’s ever said.
Then we get Becca. Who wore a dress that was designed in the way that Tia's rose ceremony dress SHOULD HAVE been designed.
BECCA: Arie, as soon as I stepped out of the limo, I was in awe of you…
GRACE: Really? You were?
KELLY: Shhh, she’s basic too. Don’t forget. Just not as basic as Lauren, but pretty basic.
IS HE GOING TO SAY “ARE YOU READY TO DO THE DAMN THING” OR ISN'T HE?! (Update: he isn't)
THIS WAS LITERALLY THE WORST PROPOSAL OF ALL TIME!! HOW COULD HE NOT SAY “REBECCA JILL ARE YOU READY TO DO THE DAMN THING?!” EVEN *I* KNOW THAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT AND I HAVEN'T BEEN DATING HER FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS!!!
The rose!! THE BROKEN ROSE, YOU GUYS!!
BECCA: Arie, as soon as I stepped out of the limo, I was in awe of you…
GRACE: Really? You were?
KELLY: Shhh, she’s basic too. Don’t forget. Just not as basic as Lauren, but pretty basic.
IS HE GOING TO SAY “ARE YOU READY TO DO THE DAMN THING” OR ISN'T HE?! (Update: he isn't)
THIS WAS LITERALLY THE WORST PROPOSAL OF ALL TIME!! HOW COULD HE NOT SAY “REBECCA JILL ARE YOU READY TO DO THE DAMN THING?!” EVEN *I* KNOW THAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT AND I HAVEN'T BEEN DATING HER FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS!!!
The rose!! THE BROKEN ROSE, YOU GUYS!!
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| For real tho |
Aaaaaand now we get to the break up.
Couple of things:
- I truly believe Becca did not see this coming. The final couple meets up every few weeks after the proposal, and this was just another one of those times. They probably told her they were just filming an update about their relationship and BOOM Arie walked in and broke up with her.
- I think they played the raw footage JUST so they could say they were doing something unprecedented. It went on for way too long. It also FURTHER continued to expose Arie for being a clueless moron wafer, as he broke her heart and had NOTHING TO SAY. NOTHING! He sat there! And then he somehow couldn't find her in the bathroom?! We all SCREAMED when he knocked on the door and said “hey are you ok" ARE YOU *KIDDING* ME?!?!
BECCA: You shouldn’t have gotten down on one knee.
GRACE: OR WHEN YOU DID YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID ‘REBECCA JILL ARE YOU READY TO DO THE DAMN THING”
She told him to leave. He did. Then he came back. She told him she was embarrassed. And that he should leave.
CAROLYN: Why is he still here?
GRACE: Literally for the affirmation. He wants her to tell him that she doesn't hate him or throw herself in his arms and beg him to take her back.
I can't believe this. I was JUST getting over the fact that I couldn't believe that they made Arie The Bachelor and NOW THIS. What a schmuck!!
I also can't stop thinking about how she said: "Well you finally saw me cry." I mean, it makes sense that he wouldn't see her cry when they're in the honeymoon phase, but also why was that a thing he'd brought up?!
CAROLYN: This is staged. She's too calm.
KELLY: She had to bury her father. This is emotional pennies to her.
So I'd like to reiterate that it was NOT staged (this was also verified on Twitter by several of Arie's friends, who have NO reason to throw him under the bus) but also that no one was twisting Arie's arm to make him film it. You don't think he could've called her up and said "I'm calling it off, act surprised?" He totally could have and chose not to. Probably because he knew this was more dramatic, would get more viewers and would get him more Instagram followers.
So I'd like to reiterate that it was NOT staged (this was also verified on Twitter by several of Arie's friends, who have NO reason to throw him under the bus) but also that no one was twisting Arie's arm to make him film it. You don't think he could've called her up and said "I'm calling it off, act surprised?" He totally could have and chose not to. Probably because he knew this was more dramatic, would get more viewers and would get him more Instagram followers.
SPINELESS 👏 PALE 👏 PATHETIC 👏 LOT 👏
Final thought: if I were Lauren (and it sounds like she's gonna take him back) I'd want to see a) his proposal and b) the breakup. Because I'd want to confront him about the fact that he told Becca "I choose you today and everyday forever" AND I'd confront him about the cowardly way that he broke up with her. If Lauren takes him back (ESPECIALLY if she's seen this footage) she only has herself to blame.
They better make Becca the next Bachelorette. Hope we find out tonight. Til then, if you're a bird, I'm a bird...
