Sunday, March 2, 2014

Eeeees OK...

1) Mama Rene is engaged. HALLELUJAH, THERE IS A GOD. I would definitely liken such a quick engagement to Melissa, of Jason Mesnick's season, more than I would to the Tierrorist, from Sean's season...

2) I care so VERY little for El Pollo Loco, that I ONLY watched Andi's overnight date. Nikita is too cool for a guy like JP, and Clare is just insane (if NOTHING else, she has that sister Laura; COME ON) honestly, I hope he picks Clare. They deserve each other. 

3) I am so super stoked for the Women Tell All, it is UN. REAL. Can't wait. Kelly, aka Carly Rae, has apparently coined the term #KellingIt, and I'm not at ALL upset about it.

4) My birthday is March 10th. I already lead a very un-thrilling THRILLING life, as it is, but to everyone who asks me "what are you doing for your birthday?" my reply has included something to the effect of, "I dunno, I hope there are cookies involved, but I can tell you right now what I'm doing that night: IT'S THE FINALE OF THE BACHELOR."
     4 a) THANK YOU, Chris Harrison, for planning this. I can already feel the Bachelor Love.
     4 b) On my 22nd birthday, my brother called me right at midnight and said, "Wooo hooo! Are you tearing up Miami, celebrating 22?!" I replied, "Psh, no. Ethan and I are watching the Women Tell All for Brad Womack's season" (remember when Crazy Michelle broke down and cried?) Like I said: VERY un-thrilling. I regret nothing. 

5) This post is dedicated to Brittany Hays. She loves Jesus, her boyfriend, Disney, and this show, (not necessarily in that order, but pretty close) and she gets a kick out of my writing. This rose is for you, Brittany. And if you don't get engaged soon, I will tell El Pollo Loco to scour Miami until he finds you and covers you with Pollo besos...

Again, per usual: To whom it may concern: I mean no harm. I have no doubt that all these women are delightful, but if you voluntarily subject yourself to the editors of national television, you’re subjecting yourself to Grace’s commentary. And pretty much anything that's funny on here can be credited to a one Lincee Ray, my Bachelor Blogging Idol. (Yes I did just say those three words and no, I will not be taking them back...)

Fantasy Suite Date: Andi


- Andi has never met Camila, nor seen how El Pollo Loco interacts with children… The same cannot be said for Nikki.

- Loving that there’s a BMW behind this dune buggy that they're in, right now… 

- Tough that any couple that makes it to the fantasy suite will NEVER AGAIN travel in the kind of luxury that they encounter on this date/in this suite.


I know Kelly Davis has seen it... 

- I will give El Pollo points for seeing that Andi’s Dad was justified in his response to the “may I have her hand” question... But those points are very obviously cancelled out by whatever comes out of his mouth in the next moment, sooooo back to 0.

- Andi is rocking the one pieces this season and I have ZERO qualms about it.

- Maybe I'm a little late in realizing this, but coming from a girl who now refuses to venture out in the sun in anything less than a berka: THEY CAN’T WEAR SUNGLASSES OR HATS ON THESE DATES. I've always known I'd be a terrible candidate for this show. But much like the fantasy suite sealed the deal for Andi, I now "know in my heart that this could never work." I could never fall in love without my visor protecting me from UV rays...

- Ohhhh there’s the could 9 reference. Thaaaaank you, Dez. Alright here's the thing: “cloud 9… can’t stop smiling… I see a future with Juan Pablo” has TOTALLY been cut from another episode. We saw ZERO footage of her saying any of those words, just now.

- She is only swinging one of her arms, during this pensive walk around St. Lucia. Just one.

- Clearly Andi had a LOT to say after the date, and so they had to fill in a WHOLE lot of time with shots of her walking/standing around St. Lucia... And now she is swinging only one of her arms, during this pensive walk... Just one.


- Bottom line: Andi wants El Pollo to fight for her… Ain’t gonna happen.

Anyone remember this? ANYONE?!

Questions I have:
- …Has Andi not taken the bar exam? But seriously, did they set us up with that whole dramatic fake courtroom scene, in the premiere when she's not even a LICENSED LAWYER?!?

- Why doesn’t Pollo know if she’d be a good mother? HOW has that escaped him, at this point?

- If they haven't discussed how the other person feels about social issues, or where they stand politically, what have these two been talking about?

Memorable Quotes:

- I'm waiting to see the clues to the big breakdown, post fantasy suite, but so far, Andi has said that it is “heartwarming” to have seen JP in Atlanta...

- On their date, Andi gushed about how spontaneous Pollo was: “Juan Pablo heard that the kids liked to play soccer…” I think it’s more like: ‘he put words in their mouth and found an excuse to take off his shirt…’

- After the dune buggy jaunt that landed them on a psuedo-hike, Andi remarked, “I kind of look over and I see a huge waterfall.”
           1) the waterfall is not huge.
           2) how does one “kind of “ look over?

- After commenting that he wasn't sure what kind of mother she'd be, Pollo told Andi, “That’s why I have an overnight with you, so we can talk about lots of things…” SO I CAN SEE IF THE SEX IS GOOD ENOUGH TO KEEP YOU AROUND.

- And finally, we shall close with perhaps one of the most stirring lines of the season, which richly highlights the noncommittal apathy of el Pollo Loco. Andi said to him, “I realized that I wasn’t in love with you” and I KID YOU NOT, he replied, "that’s perfect."


(And yes, I realize that my use of "noncommittal apathy," is heavily redundant, and even though English IS my first language, redundancy used to passionately drive home a point is better than NO PASSION AT ALL, POLLO LOCO.)

...and us Andi our next Bachelorette, or WHAT??

1 comment:

  1. FYI - You have to take the bar for each state you want to be licensed in, so she is probably licensed in Georgia, but would have to take the bar again in Florida in order to practice there. Law lesson of the day.