- In a conclusion that EVERYONE saw coming – Black Panther totally eclipsed Fifty Shades by like, a billion. And no one is mad.
- Oh! Do yourself a favor and follow TextFromMother on Instagram. It was inspired by a crazy text from the mother of a certain roommate of mine, and an entire account was born. Also send us screenshots of the crazy stuff your mom says. Merp.
- Kacey Musgraves released two new songs and I haven’t stopped listening.
- Kacey Musgraves released two new songs and I haven’t stopped listening.
- Fransisco Cantu’s “The Line Becomes A River” is my latest read and it is PHENOMENAL. It’s about life along the U.S. Mexico border and it’s like Hillbilly Elegy meets a Donald Miller book and I love it. 11/10 would recommend.
Kelly quickly pointed out that all of Bibiana’s dress was blurred, because it was so… unsuitably placed. Yes, “unsuitably placed” is a euphemism, because we all know what the dress was REALLY (not) doing.
Bekah chose to go for the jugular when she pointed out that even though her age was lower, she scored higher than most of the women on communication and conflict resolution. And you know what? She isn’t wrong. Also worth pointing out: everyone probably wanted to pick on her for being the young one because everyone is actually envious that she possesses way more skin elasticity and collagen in her cells than they do. (Oh, no one else is jealous of that? It’s just me being a crazy old witch lady that's chasing after youth? Whatever)
Ok so our quick assessment is that Krystal got a nose job... right? I mean that thang looks way more narrow than it used to be... doesn't it? As much as I like to be a witch lady seeking youth, I am no plastic surgery expert...
Whoaaaaa we were taken aback by that footage of her in the bathroom. You KNOW that the producer walked out of there, grabbed the sound guy and said "TELL ME THAT YOU WERE PICKING UP HER AUDIO." Audio guy probably got a raise that day...
New Favorite Caroline hit Krystal with some more realness: “I believe the things you say but I don’t believe them when you say them." Honestly I feel that way about a lot of people. Probably specifically our commander in chief, but that's just me.
The unwillingness of the girls to take it when Krystal said “Maybe I was focused on my relationship with Arie” was amazing. They had ZERO time for her.
OHHHH interesting that Hare asked Sienne how men usually deal with the fact that she is a total package. A rather insightful question, given his usual breakfast tray of cliche questions. They tried to act like they were hinting that she could be the Bachelorette so we might all think ABC is woke, but she isn't going to be the next Bachelorette.
Interesting that Bekah is really ranting about Tia, and ranting about people being ageist, in general. I think she wanted a platform to stand on to give her more airtime, which is cool, but if she really wanted to come after them, she could have pointed out: "Insecure girls will often look for something to pick on, to make themselves feel better. Mine just happened to be my age."Also the way that she addresses Arie’s insecurity about age and Tia faulting her for not being at the same place is TERRIBLY articulate and I am HERE for it. Just wish she had put on a shirt.
Kelly proceeded to ask the important question: why haven’t we heard more about Annaliese’s bumper car trauma tonight? We didn't hear a single word from her!
Chris says that Tia was one of the most painful goodbyes… DEFINITELY the most painful goodbye was Peter and Rachel, a thousand hands down, no questions.
I can’t believe that they made Arie the Bachelor, I know we’re at the Women Tell All and it’s kind of late in the season but like… I’m still just SO shocked. I needed to say that.
Krystal wants to start with Arie’s goodbye being… cold.
- Not really related to pop culture but if anyone in Pennsylvania can get me a date with Conor Lamb I’d be SO down.
Ok. Women Tell All. BOY did it deliver, you guys! I feel like we got everything we were expecting from people like Bekah and HurricaneKrystal and then there were darkhorses like Caroline (WHAT did Arie do?!!? Does she know about him robbing a 7 Eleven in his past?! WHAT)
Our Peanut Gallery numbers were low due to previous engagements – it was just Kelly, Boozer, and myself.
The first thing we notice is that Hare has cut his HAIR! This is a strong start. Also sorry for not being able to pay attention fully to this episode because I’m still combing the audience shots for my face, hoping one of the poor assistant editors weeded over the audience shots of the Bachelor in Paradise taping because I gave them SO MUCH GOOD FOOTAGE to use of my face.
Uh, where is Maquel?
Someone clearly handed Hare an index card with generic questions to ask the women, and all we learn is Jenna was excited that Arie was The Bachelor because she likes older men… This whole thing really should’ve been a montage of “We wished that the Bachelor was Peter…”
Ohhh and we quickly get into glam shaming. Brittany telling Marikh, “you’re trying to make it a thing and it’s not a thing” is my favorite thing. I understand that Marikh was irked that Chelsea told Arie that she was constantly checking her reflection. She tried to justify said primping by saying “My hair looked like s***!” And you know what the REAL problem with the whole thing is, Marikh? If you’re too busy combing your hair and separating your eyelashes, it means that you think your appearance is the best thing you have to offer. Maybe the ONLY thing you have to offer. Which just isn’t a good look, ok?
Ok. Women Tell All. BOY did it deliver, you guys! I feel like we got everything we were expecting from people like Bekah and HurricaneKrystal and then there were darkhorses like Caroline (WHAT did Arie do?!!? Does she know about him robbing a 7 Eleven in his past?! WHAT)
Our Peanut Gallery numbers were low due to previous engagements – it was just Kelly, Boozer, and myself.
The first thing we notice is that Hare has cut his HAIR! This is a strong start. Also sorry for not being able to pay attention fully to this episode because I’m still combing the audience shots for my face, hoping one of the poor assistant editors weeded over the audience shots of the Bachelor in Paradise taping because I gave them SO MUCH GOOD FOOTAGE to use of my face.
Uh, where is Maquel?
Someone clearly handed Hare an index card with generic questions to ask the women, and all we learn is Jenna was excited that Arie was The Bachelor because she likes older men… This whole thing really should’ve been a montage of “We wished that the Bachelor was Peter…”
Ohhh and we quickly get into glam shaming. Brittany telling Marikh, “you’re trying to make it a thing and it’s not a thing” is my favorite thing. I understand that Marikh was irked that Chelsea told Arie that she was constantly checking her reflection. She tried to justify said primping by saying “My hair looked like s***!” And you know what the REAL problem with the whole thing is, Marikh? If you’re too busy combing your hair and separating your eyelashes, it means that you think your appearance is the best thing you have to offer. Maybe the ONLY thing you have to offer. Which just isn’t a good look, ok?
Kelly quickly pointed out that all of Bibiana’s dress was blurred, because it was so… unsuitably placed. Yes, “unsuitably placed” is a euphemism, because we all know what the dress was REALLY (not) doing.
Bekah chose to go for the jugular when she pointed out that even though her age was lower, she scored higher than most of the women on communication and conflict resolution. And you know what? She isn’t wrong. Also worth pointing out: everyone probably wanted to pick on her for being the young one because everyone is actually envious that she possesses way more skin elasticity and collagen in her cells than they do. (Oh, no one else is jealous of that? It’s just me being a crazy old witch lady that's chasing after youth? Whatever)
Ok so our quick assessment is that Krystal got a nose job... right? I mean that thang looks way more narrow than it used to be... doesn't it? As much as I like to be a witch lady seeking youth, I am no plastic surgery expert...
Whoaaaaa we were taken aback by that footage of her in the bathroom. You KNOW that the producer walked out of there, grabbed the sound guy and said "TELL ME THAT YOU WERE PICKING UP HER AUDIO." Audio guy probably got a raise that day...
New Favorite Caroline hit Krystal with some more realness: “I believe the things you say but I don’t believe them when you say them." Honestly I feel that way about a lot of people. Probably specifically our commander in chief, but that's just me.
The unwillingness of the girls to take it when Krystal said “Maybe I was focused on my relationship with Arie” was amazing. They had ZERO time for her.
OHHHH interesting that Hare asked Sienne how men usually deal with the fact that she is a total package. A rather insightful question, given his usual breakfast tray of cliche questions. They tried to act like they were hinting that she could be the Bachelorette so we might all think ABC is woke, but she isn't going to be the next Bachelorette.
Interesting that Bekah is really ranting about Tia, and ranting about people being ageist, in general. I think she wanted a platform to stand on to give her more airtime, which is cool, but if she really wanted to come after them, she could have pointed out: "Insecure girls will often look for something to pick on, to make themselves feel better. Mine just happened to be my age."Also the way that she addresses Arie’s insecurity about age and Tia faulting her for not being at the same place is TERRIBLY articulate and I am HERE for it. Just wish she had put on a shirt.
Kelly proceeded to ask the important question: why haven’t we heard more about Annaliese’s bumper car trauma tonight? We didn't hear a single word from her!
Chris says that Tia was one of the most painful goodbyes… DEFINITELY the most painful goodbye was Peter and Rachel, a thousand hands down, no questions.
Guys... did Tia really have feelings for Arie? Like, why is she crying right now? Is Weiner THAT small of a town, that she just hasn't met humans?
 |
| She'll be great on BIP. |
I can’t believe that they made Arie the Bachelor, I know we’re at the Women Tell All and it’s kind of late in the season but like… I’m still just SO shocked. I needed to say that.
Krystal wants to start with Arie’s goodbye being… cold.
I mean, I honestly didn't even take any notes during this section because I was so transfixed by the TV screen. Arie has ZERO flips left to give, so he let Krystal HAVE IT, and he is so far down in the trenches, away from my affinity, that this definitely didn't make me like him an OUNCE more, but it sure was super fun to watch, MERCY. And I mean, yay for Krystal's brother... I guess? But when you've spent your television career sabotaging other people, we really don't care about the charity of your brother...
I love how much Hare thinks that we love the bloopers… Seriously no one cares about them. And they were 0% funny because this season is 100% basic. The ONLY thing they were good for is setting up John Cena's very welcomed "Merp" at the end.
I love how much Hare thinks that we love the bloopers… Seriously no one cares about them. And they were 0% funny because this season is 100% basic. The ONLY thing they were good for is setting up John Cena's very welcomed "Merp" at the end.
Final witch lady comment of the day: LESLIE MANN HAS FOUND THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH AND I LEGIT CANNOT HANDLE IT. She looks exactly like she did in George of the Jungle and I am SLAIN every time I see her face. (Also honorable mention to Megan Mullally, because she is aging EXCEPTIONALLY well.)
Meanwhile I'm literally over here like:
Ok. Fantasy Suite date commentary up soon. We had a full house for that one. (The delay is because I REFUSE to publish half-finished jokes. I won't do it.)
Till then - if you're a bird, I'm a bird...
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