Sunday, March 3, 2013

Here's to What Could Have Been...

I'm not really sure what is inspiring this post, but I'm just gonna need to take a minute to talk about what kind of Bachelor success COULD. HAVE. BEEN. if these bozos had ANY discernment about choosing a soul mate. We will go in chronological order:
1) Sean: MyBestFriendLesley said "Oh she's just being Miley," and Lez's best friend Grace said, "OH SEAN SHOULD HAVE WIFED YOU." 

 2) Emily: I'm really sorry, but I LOVED Ryan and Emily together. I mean yeah, he said some weird things but they kept each other on their toes. And let's face it: Emily is a trophy wife. Sigh.

3) Ben: Obviously we all know Ben's real soulmate is a one Rita Spellings, but in terms of who was on the show, this was by far the best match. (I was totally a fan of Kacie B, due to her "I just want it to be over. To just be the two of us, together in real life, going to the grocery store..." BECAUSE THAT IS REAL LIFE, as opposed to the usual shtick we hear, like Michelle Money's "I want us to ride off into the sunset and see lots of fireworks in the background..." that is, UNTIL KACIE WENT CRAY, ON SEAN'S SEASON...) But I'm pretty sure this girl Emily was a Paleontologist or something; she was definitely getting her PhD... And she DEFINITELY had a sense of humor... 

4) Brad: If nothing else, this picture says it all. I don't know where they are (Africa? I can't remember...) but that hat is too good. As is Chantal. I thought they were great together. Remember when it rained on their date and they were both totally chill about it? Soul. Mates. 
(I would, however, now like to make the pitch that Brad get together with aShLeE from Sean's season... Right??)

5) If ever there was a major mess-up in Bachelor History, it was this one. Ali and Frank were meant to be. I think I cried when Frank announced his departure. I'm totally kidding; I didn't, but Frank stands at the summit of Bachelor Mountain for myself, as well as for Kirk and Rebecca Johnson, and anyone else who is willing to admit that they have a soul. Here's to you, Frankie.

6) Is Tenley still with Kiptyn? I don't know. They were definitely cute together. And I'm no fan of Jake's, but did anyone NOT see that this was a match made in heaven? Clearly America never would have had to see the raging angry Jake that appeared during his VERY public break up with Vienna, if he had picked Tenley in the first place...

7) Ugh. I don't even have words. Reid was by far my favorite contestant on the show EVER and why Jillian broke his heart a SECOND time, when he came back to propose, I'll never know. Especially when we all knew a life with Ed was not promising. As he made VERY clear to us on Season 3 of Bachelor Pad... 

8) I mean, yay Jason and Molly. But I also need the record to show that I thought DeAnna and Jason were PERFECT. I don't know what's going on in this picture, but I won't fight it. Remember when having a kid and being a contestant on the show was a big deal? Cause he didn't tell her until he was in the final five, or something... And seriously, the ONE time in all of Bachelor history EVER that I have cried was on Jason's hometown date, when he saw his son for the first time in weeks. DeAnna cried too. They were meant to be. 

9) And finally... The biggest Bachelor FAIL of all time goes to the couple who could have been: Bob and Kelly Jo. To this day, I read spoilers compulsively because when Bob picked Estella instead of Kelly Jo, I was SO infuriated that when the phone rang and it was my good friend Laura Grace, I answered the phone with violent yelling, wondering WHY THE UNIVERSE (Chris Harrison) COULD LET BOB MAKE SUCH AN EGREGIOUS MISTAKE. 

....LG was calling to tell me that her dog, Lupe, had been run over that day and was no longer with us. 

(If I'd known to whom he proposed, beforehand, this never would have happened.) I told a fifth grader that I baby sit for about the Estella/Kelly Jo debacle and when we were at the grocery store last week, she saw the US Weekly cover with Sean Lowe's face on it, as well as the word "Bachelor," and she pointed to Lindsay and Catherine and said, "Which one is Estella?" 


(I was so impressed by her listening skills and remembering the name 'Estella' that I didn't point out that the whole point of the story was that I was in fifth grade when it happened, just like she is now...) 

I also made a Bachelor reference in order to coax her younger brother to learn his multiplication tables, so he wouldn't say "11x11=141" on national television one day... 

Spreading the love of Bachelor Nation, one fifth grader at at time... SO THEY WON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES ONE DAY. 


  1. I LOVE this. And couldn't agree more...on all counts.

  2. a second shout out for me...even if it is about the tragic death of little lup!

  3. Love this post-- Ali & Frank and Ried & Jillian both still break my heart! I might never get over those losses. Also, (head's up) the "Deanna" picture is Jason & Jillian, not Deanna-- when Jillian did her infamous "Hot Dog Test." :)

  4. Haha that's what I thought, too! I figured that it looked enough like DeAnna, but I also remembered the Hot Dog Test being outside? Haha Jillian was the greatest.