Monday, February 20, 2017

CorinneIt To Win It

I don't want to toot my own horn (toooooot!) but:

Please let me apologize from the outset, because my fancy lifestyle might make some of you uncomfortable. Today I left work while it was still light outside, came home and IRONED, (we don't have an ironing board so I ironed on my bed. Whatever) and then Johnny came over and we MADE DINNER. Do you know the last time I made dinner? Neither do I. We made soup. He was worried he'd spill it on the couch. I said "There's an app for that" and handed him a tray.

We watched the end of Wheel a Fortune and decided that we are literal 80 year olds. He said "This is what 80 year olds do. Eat off of trays and watch Pat and Vanna. 

We pick up where we left off, in Bikini Bahamas, with the girls all chewing on their nails about what Nick is going to do. 

JOHNNY: Why does Rachel look so made up?
GRACE: She was just on a date. Why is Corinne wearing half a jacket in her interview right now? 
JOHNNY: You told me you do that at work all the time. 
GRACE: Fair. I do. (sometimes I'm both cold and hot at work, don't judge me

Special shout out to my east coast updates about this date:

I think it's time to unearth a little known reality TV factoid: Carolyn Murdock once starred on an episode of "Sex Sent Me to the ER." The episode was BASICALLY what is happening while they're mudding right now. They ended up in the ER.

Honestly, I was pretty impressed with the Raven's brother's acting skills. I didn't for a second believe that it wasn't a total ruse, but he wasn't a total wad of contrived cheese as he asked for their ID.

We love Raven's family. Johnny asked, "Is it always this sweet? Cause I'm kind of touched right now. I blame it on the fact that I saw Lion earlier today." Things got super intense when Raven told her dad that no man would walk her down the aisle. Eeesh. We're also pretty convinced that they're not in The actual family home of Raven. I pointed this out to Johnny and he agreed. "This is not a Hoxie Home. But I love those uneven Target/Ikea background art pieces happening on the wall..." Anyone else see that monogram outside the household? Cause it looked like there was a G in the middle of it. Raven's last name starts with a C. 

Rachel took Nick to church. I am DYING to know whether this was on a Sunday or not. Because I would absolutely not put it past the producers to tell Rachel, "Call up your church and tell them to have a service that we can show! That'd be great!" That is HOW IT GOES. Also, I feel like the fact that her Dad isn't available due to work concerns... Isn't he a judge? Judges don't work on Sunday. This is confirmed by Johnny, son of a judge.  

Also shout out to the family getting real with their observations: "I noticed you're a white." Let's lay our observations on the table, guys. 

I love that all the retail people know Corinne. The same thing would happen if you went into Jewish delis and grocery stores in Los Angeles with me. 

NICK: I might have to get another job if I end up with Corinne. 
JOHNNY: What's his job again? This? 
GRACE: This. Definitely This. And that Nair sponsorship for which he is gunning... 

Shoutout to Miami, Florida for hosting four of the warmest and most wonderful years of my life. 

But seriously what is up with Corinne and her dad lounging on this bed right now? It is very incestuous and Roman Banquet-y and I'm not into it. 

Raquel is having ZERO shenanigans. She is asking all the tough questions. Johnny is ready for Raquel to take over for Chris Harrison. Although we're a little worried about Raquel's health. She seems pretty frail. 

CORINNE'S DAD: This is 15 year old, single malt... 
JOHNNY: Single malt what?  
GRACE: Urine. 

Corinne's Dad is DRUUUUNK right now. Seems to run in the family:

Did you like my olive? DID YOU?!

Of course there are cords. Plugged into the antenna. I will NEVER pay for cable. 

Johnny posed the question: "Do you think Nick will be engaged at the end of this?" Which kind of begets an interesting notion. Because if you think about previous seasons: On Kaitlyn's season, it seemed like she had been dating Nick and Shawn the longest. It seemed like she had actual relationships with them. On Ben's season, it seemed like he'd been with JoJo the longest. JoJo and seemed like she'd been with Jordan the longest - it seemed like all of these people were in legitimate relationships, way moreso than the other contestants. On this season, it doesn't seem like Nick has been in a relationship with ANY of the girls.. It's kind of weird. We KIND OF got a glimpse of him seeming friendly with Rachel at the dinner table with her family, but for the most part, it seems like he still barely knows these girls... So weird. 

Honestly all I care about Nick and Vanessa going to Canada is... Is Justin Trudeau going to be there to greet Nick? Because that is ALL that matters. Justin Trudeau is LIFE. 

Guys... I'm not ready to talk about Vanessa's IMDB page, just yet. Emotionally, I'm JUST. NOT. Stay tuned.

This is the happiest that Nick has ever seemed on this season. Maybe ever. 

Someone told us that this was "what Sunday lunch looked like..." So this is Sunday. Which means it wasn't Sunday when Rachel went to church. Which means the church was a set up. I'm JUST keeping score, over here. 

Nick gets totally cornered about the fact that he and Vanessa have absolutely ZERO future plans. Her sister is NOT having any of it. 

Another running theme: No one knows what Nick's job is, or will be, or where he lives. 

And then we hear that Vanessa's mother is concerned about "picking up the pieces" of Vanessa's heartbreak. I wonder what kind of fall out of a breakup that entails... Is she a stay-in-bed type of recovery girl, or a eat-all-the-cookies type? Obviously we all know mine. 

I like Vanessa's relationship with her family. I also like that she chooses the word "awkward" to describe her dad, in fear for Nick. Not :my dad can be intimidating, I hope Nick can hold his own." or he can be "daunting" or "tough." She chose "awkward." Nick tells Vanessa's dad that he was drawn to Vanessa's "vibe." You know who WOULDN'T be satisfied with that answer? The same man who is satisfied with denim on denim, and was satisfied with it before it was cool. 

And probs also Mimi. 

I love how her Dad is NOT having it. He wants to know who else's permission Nick has asked. This is amazing. 

May we talk about Nick's strange rhetoric whilst asking for the parent's blessing and saying things like, "How would you feel, as we, IF TWO ADULTS, made a decision AND SHE WAS HAPPY... How would you feel if I proposed to her?" It's like with the "adults" line, he is trying to reassure them that there is consent. So weird. 

Thank God Andi is back. Love her. She is so pretty. So excited for next week. 

If you're a bird, I'm a bird. 

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