GET. EXCITED.

Stop the presses. First things first: THIS.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/alexrees/ranking-the-new-bachelorette-contenders-on-promo-photo

I can only hope that ABC (or at least Hare, Himself) sponsored this post.

A few things that are worth discussing:

1) There is a contestant named Bryden. This is perhaps the most EPIC combination name the franchise has ever seen. I will not dignify the the past cumbersomely-named contestants by taking the time to look up names, but the name Bryden is definitely in the leagues of "Camden" or "Kayden" (whether these names belong to a man or a woman is debatable) and of course there's always just the capitalization debacle of "AshLee," that is ALWAYS worth mentioning...

2) There is a contestant named... Not "Dingo," or even "Diego," but... DIOGO. Perhaps it is my uber Nashvillian, WASPy upbringing, but I have never heard of this name in my life.

3) There is also a contestant named Juan Pablo. I expect great things from him. The same kind of great things I would expect from any female contestant named something like Ashley Grace or Lauren Craven. (Note: contestants with those names don't actually exist, but double names ARE something that I can come up with on the fly, due to my Southern roots.)

4) Props to the author for two major inventions: "Car Seat Fabric Blazer" and an outstanding description of Desiree's promo photo-shoot outfit: "Frumpfest."

5) I would also like to propose the theory that perhaps #2, Brad is just wearing... a medical bracelet, perhaps? Is that too hopeful of me?

6) Finally, #19, Robert: Sweetie, if she gives you the early boot, CALL ME.

As of tomorrow, we've got one week to go. Only ONE WEEK left of the Morbid No-Bachelor-Monday.