Saturday, July 25, 2015

Addendum to the Bucket List of G. Douglas

But truly... Bucket list item #37: Attend a taping of the Men Tell All.

I'm going to do it. I don't care if I'm 85 years old, but I will BE in the audience of one of these tapings (It's not for lack of trying, on my part, or on the part of any member of the Living Room Peanut Gallery) LRPG Carolyn and I were practicing our facial expressions so that when we go, we'll be GOLD for the editors to use. So in the meantime, if you need anyone to demonstrate things like "aghast," "contemptuous," or "straight up SCANDALIZED," call me. 

Moving on....

I don't even feel like dignifying this franchise by using too much of my time to compose paragraphs, so Im'ma stick to bullet points this time:

- Harrison insists that Kaitlyn is the most serious Bachelorette we’ve ever had.

Look at her life. Look at her choices. WHAT.

- It looks like a BIG CHUNK of Bachelor in Paradise is Kardashley crying. I’m not upset at ALL.

- Becca Tilley and Kentucky Joe with this "Bleachable Moments schtick...

Of our TV screens. And each other's lives, please. 

- Tanner memorized an entire monologue to rail against Ian, and his delivery was maaaaaybe a 7 out of 10.

- And now Kupah has Ian’s BACK as he sheds his coat to stand up to apologize. Or… to get on one knee and repent. Ian clearly called a PR firm, who coached him on how to specifically execute the kneeling apology. I didn't hate his apology. Honestly, I never hated him, (you know I'm a sucker for the Ivy Leaguers...) and this apology WAS certainly off the beaten path of the typical MTA schtick...

- Clint sat around for at LEAST three weeks to coin the term “DepressionMobile” and I’m gonna give it a 4 out of 10. But I WILL give him mega props for his use of “exclusionary.”


- I love how Kupah totally shifted the conversation away from JJ and Clint and started talking about Nick. And then Clint SLAYED everyone with his reply.

- Corey needs to CLOSE HIS MOUTH. Obviously there's always one at these things that runs their mouth way more than the airtime they received (so this is actually socially awkward of Corey. America hasn't had time to get to know him, so we just think he's rude and weird...)

- Why are they putting Ben Z in the hot seat? To find out if he’s cried since being on the show? (Update: Yes. That's exactly why.)

Carolyn: imagine not crying for eleven years…
Grace: He’s obviously never seen The Notebook.

- Let me be clear: the fitted- I’ll go a step further and say SKINNY pants on men… NEED TO GO. I am so tired of them. But there IS an upside: we can see some SERIOUS sock action, because the pants hike up so high when gentlemen sit down in them.  Per usual, JJ’s sock game is KILLING it. Another dude is apparently not wearing socks – my money’s on Kentucky Joe.

- Jared lying down on the hot seat couch. Appropriate. Love Man was ABOMINABLE.

- Why is Harrison acting like it’s unusual that Kaitlyn would be taking the stage tonight? As though the lead has NEVER done that at a Tell All?

- Thank GOODNESS Jared shaved that “spotty beard." Carolyn and I still agreed with Johnny's initial assessment that he looks more like Rat Man than Love Man...

OK BUT SERIOUSLY WHOM IS SHE GOING TO PICK?!?! I can't even pretend to decide. I can't imagine her NOT choosing Nick, but then I just wonder if that's because the wily editors are just leading us on? She had two very distinct reactions when each man told her that he loved her - what can be made of that? Which is more telling: her lack of response (she had NOTHING to say to Shawn) or her "Promise?" that she said to Nick right after he told her... Honorary LRPG member Amanda VERY insightfully pointed out that during the MTA, Kaitlyn clenched her jaw every time somebody said Nick's name, but not so with Shawn. Does that mean she resents them for blasting the man to whom she is now engaged? Or does that mean that she resents Nick for what we can ONLY imagine will be a less-than-graceful exit, once she rejects him? THE AFTER THE FINAL ROSE IS GOING TO BE SO GOOOOOOOD. 

Finally, if Kaitlyn DOES end up with Shawn, LRPG member Johnny would like everyone to know that it would officially make Nick the New York of The Bachelorette

I'm JUST saying... (He's just saying)

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